The trials and traumas of house renovation

Isn't it surprising how work of a structural and aesthetic nature around your house can go on for what seems an indeterminate period and also how generally it is invariably under budget. Well bloggers it has happened to us now. You may recall I started talking on this subject in the early part of 2011 with the optimistic view that within two good months of hard work from our builder the project would be nearing its end........how wrong could I have been!! As house owners we have endured every humanly conceivable situation that we legislated could go wrong and yet it was something else that thwarted our aspirations to start showing off our finished product for the summer months. Yes readers it was, absolutely, our builder's wedding and cut price honeymoon where his guests pay for the 7 nights in romantic Cleckheaton and Liversedge in deepest West Yorkshire. OK it wasn't those two mentioned towns but it might as well have been so.

       Let me explain, first we had the health and safety week off due to an update course which he had to fulfil, but of course this put the work back a week, then we were treated to more time away from the hub of the working environment for window installation in another property which he was trying to finish, (eyebrows started to rise at this point in Roger Moore fashion ) then of course we had the amazing story of the honeymoon fund and wedding to his long time partner. I am beginning to think that this man was taking us for a ride especially when he was asking his congregation not for the ubiquitous wedding gifts but , wait for it , money to fund the honeymoon. Eyes rolling outside our heads at this point !!! It just makes us doubly determined to monitor what our friendly builder is going to throw at us next to delay the work further, tea at the Ritz perhaps or possibly an audience with a Papal Nuncio, now that would be intriguing ? My religious name might be Benedict but I am not , by any stretch of the imagination, that daft to think that he is about to engage in an audience with me!!!!!! The summer rolls on and so does the work, but by Xmas of 2011 we may finally be able to start unpacking all our furniture in the newly appointed conservatory, just in time for that momentous time of year ; the snows of January and February.......ah the good old builder, one of life's greats.........!!!!!!

Events that can cause angst and trauma

It is at times like this that the whole fabric of your psyche can be challenged remorselessly when the economic climate is particularly taxing and you are in the midst of a house that looks like it is in the centre of the Blitz. Stalingrad is not that far away and the fact that the very nature of the living areas are resembling rubble and dust suggest that the future can only get better, but as I write this blog, that is the situation that I find myself in currently.
     Yes it's that time of year when house improvements get the go ahead and the weather insists on remaining lovely, balmy even, so that the workload continues unabated into those months of late spring when the world is at peace with itself apart from the house half standing at no 4 Acacia Avenue ( this of course is a fictitious address to protect the incumbents )
     There are certain niceties to address in such situations, you still have to make yourself look respectable within the household as the scaffolding and converted erections begin to take shape albeit in a very primitive way and the daily routines tend to go out of the window, not literally but certainly metaphorically. The ubiquitous builder, for that is what he has become, becomes more chummy as he drinks more and eats more of your hard earned pantry and emerges from his latest skirmish with the roof to refer to you as " mate" and gives you a good slap on the back in a friendly way. Ah yes, the British artisan, always a treasure and in most cases need to be given a good burial but in our case, we wouldn't be without him. Well certainly not during the working process. He is a consummate professional in his job but his skills at clearing up after himself have surely deserted him many years ago. I have to say finding a mug of tea lying on its side under his Black and Decker drill did not do much for my understanding of his mentality or common sense sensibilities but he is good at what he does, and I dare say that if the roles were reversed I would indeed find his technique of telling all my patients to pull themselves together would not be out of place!!! if not somewhat amusing. As the victims of building work we accept the mess and disruption that follows such cratsmen in their normal daily rituals but we do hope that in the weeks to come, their presence will fade away into that time when most sane people might just choose to forget that they were there and treat it as a blot on their lifestyle. Roll on the conclusion to this difficult time for us and to realise that we don't always need to display white hair and dusty clothing to be referred to as "old timers".

The Royal Wedding 2011

It is indeed good to see a Royal wedding where the main participants are so poised and focused on their aim, it was, on the reverse side of the coin, particularly galling to see the crusty old grandmother scowling for much of the service, as if she had been sucking on a lemon. Now why should this be? There did seem the occasional smile but this seemed to be after the result of some dental surgery to correct the grimace that she had had fixed on her face throughout the whole panoply of the service.
      Mind you I am not here to discuss the aftermath of such facial expressions but to wish the young couple well and to hope that this will be a turn away from the old school of stiff and starchy behaviour that has so often permeated the lives of the older royals which is hardly a good example of current day authenticity. You see, like many older people there is a magnetic attraction to live in the past, it is after all what is familiar to them and has a sort of warm comforting feel about it. The issues that I feel need to be addressed are the insidious and somewhat disturbing levels of hypocrisy that the Crown have been accused of regarding throne succession. Back in the 1930's when Edward VIII decided to relinquish the throne for the woman he loved causing utter consternation to constitutional experts, it seemed to act as a tenet to any future divorcees being treated the same way. He was honourable in choosing the decision that he made realising that he could not rule without Wallis Simpson by his side however the same does not seem to apply in these times of modernity. The current incumbent of the " Prince of Wales " title seems to go against the grain as he has indeed married a divorcee, as he himself is, and still seems to be the next natural successor to the Crown. Now we have no way of knowing whether he will be bypassed or whether his accession to the throne will be rubber stamped on the demise of the current monarch. One thing seems clear, that Elizabeth Regina Mark 2 is in no mood to cede power over to her eldest son and it may be by the time Charles is ready to succeed her he will be getting quite elderly. It might then be deemed more appropriate for the power shift to veer towards the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, but that's for the future. The central point in all my rantings is that the open hypocrisy of the Crown is quite palpable and it does make some of us realise how dysfunctional they still are, and what a long way they have to go in order to attract the warmth and support of the British public again. A wedding is not really going to rectify their problems, just paper over the cracks of a long standing and dwindling dynasty that was once great but now.........? well that sentence must be completed by those of you reading this diatribe. William and Catherine are young and will have their own opinions as they get older and more experienced when doing the job but their rise to eventual power should be tempered with a sense of duty but also caution. Three of the Queen's current children are already divorced, this should be a lasting reflection of what is a very tenuous hold that they have on their desire for privacy and happiness, but I wish them both well in the circumstances.

Family additions

My life was somewhat turfed upside down last year when my wife arrived on these shores in tandem with her furry, hairy canine friends who had joined her in the immigration to be with me in this country of wealth and opulence. Now don't call me insensitive but at the outset I was rather disturbed at having to share my creature comforts with three small canines, as my previous experience with these vulpine typed animals had been with much larger breeds. I had no idea how they would take to me, or more's the point, how I would cope with them. Well if first experiences were anything to go by I would have thought that I had been dealt a triple whammy by earth's creator as three very small and noisy dogs emerged from the animal reception centre at Heathrow to launch themselves upon my wife and then unceremoniously licked me uncontrollably in the reception centre lounge. Not exactly the most auspicious beginning and I dread to think what would have happened if we were on our way to a Royal garden party with me displaying distinct elements of dog slobber all over my face. Ah from such ignominious beginnings are love affairs borne. I had already mentioned that my experience of small dogs was limited and my perception of them was pesky and somewhat difficult to handle but as the days wore on in a very languid way, my burgeoning affection for these pesky little creatures took on new heights. There was the two boys, same breed but different characters, and the small chipin, with the dainty legs and the porcelain styled body and the stubby tail that just melted a person's heart.The two boys bounded out of the reception centre in a playful mood until they reached the car where they proceeded to have a distinctly unsavoury disagreement which ended in a maelstrom of snarling and biting, and for what reason. It seemed that one of them took a dislike to the other wanting to travel in the front seat instead of him and so their Jekyll and Hyde personalities emerged at that point. One minute they were " mummy's little darlings " and the next, they were the devils incarnate sent to their " father " for correction but I was still reeling from the shock of their arrival and in no fit state to correct any misdemeanour at this time. Things did eventually improve  and we all became close buddies amidst all the fur flying and disgruntled egos that we had to put up with daily. The point of all this, is that at the time, I wasn't sure about their presence or what I had done, allowing them to come here too, but you know now I wouldn't be without any of them especially my wife who I can honestly say is one of the most caring, sweet and good neighbourly people I could ever hope to meet. These dogs are surely a gift from God and they have  taught me a great deal even if they are naughty to the n-th extreme and my love for them has deepened over the time they have been here. They provide us both with happiness, entertainment and humour which enriches and strengthens our lives and relationship. Dogs are such great social stabilisers and they instinctively know when to play up and when to act in a sympathetic way towards you. They are such great socialisers and are able to change a person's mood at the drop of a hat. If you ever get the urge for a challenge in life then give a dog a home. It will make you a better person and make you more aware of your own shortcomings which you can iron out. They never discriminate against anyone or anything and their love for you as a human being is unconditional and without reproach, they can be truly man's best friend if only man would behave appropriately too. We can learn from animals in so many ways so ensure that we take advantage of this in the future to enhance not only our lives but the lives of the followers ie the animals who love us and in some cases would lay their life on the line for us, truly the act of a noble and courageous spirit. I salute them all and give them the highest commendation.

More unusual observations

As I sit here in my somewhat vulnerable state, I realise that life is to be lived rather than scared of, and in many ways I have chosen to be bound by the conventions that society and life have imposed upon me. One wonders whether this is due to upbringing and protocol. My days of just keeping to the house are over and now I have a wife it is important that I make sure that we share a lot of things together. The days of a singleton are behind me and now I have to realise the necessity to share everything and not keep everything as secure as it used to be, that really just doesn't work.
    My wife, bless her is as unpredictable as the wind but then it certainly stops me from becoming too complacent in my actions and realising what a gift that I have been sent by the Almighty. It takes a good woman to make a man realise what he has and to contemplate the future with a better sense of security than in the past. I sometimes think that I have been unlucky in life events but then when I am brought such a gift as my wife, it makes me reappraise my life and realise that not everyone is lucky except of course for me.!!!!  For all you men out there, marriage is a sacred ritual and you should all learn to accept that women are a very special breed and if you can't get your heads around that fact, then maybe it is time for you to move on.

Party time

Last night we attended a party in the wilds of North Staffordshire, in a large house and a grand marquee in the garden. My wife's eyes were bulging as we headed through the large gates and up toward the front of the house where our hostess was waiting for us. It had been a very long day and of course we had combined this event with the usual spate of house viewing which has recently taken over our lives. It was a very eventful day as we finally felt we had found the house we really wanted to buy and to live in, but in the current climate selling our own pile is beginning to prove a thorny issue but at least we are not alone. The party gave us time to focus for one evening on other matters. The garden was massive and as the guests congregated on the grass and in the marquee we felt quite at home, as my wife's eyes continued to enlarge unabated, irrespective of the rather inclement weather conditions. We spent around 3 hours in this environment chatting and talking to some of my work colleagues and eating the freshly cooked chicken and snacks that had been laid on. The noise from the guest artiste was truly horrendous which is synonymous with such parties but if the theme had been dour as a consequence of the weather at the time, then Shostakovich would have been a better bet. We could have all been depressed together at this time !!!.  It proved a useful outlet from our normal routine and we enjoyed ourselves even though the heavens were not exactly kind to us. On the way home after a good evening and when I needed to speak to my wife to keep me awake she repaid me in the best possible way by falling into a deep sleep and communicated via grunts and snores and of course received my thanks for this event. Such loyalty and devotion, and realising that at the end of a very busy day the last thing she wanted to do was to indulge in small chit chat with her over stimulated husband. Thanks darling but in retrospect she was probably right but then aren't they always .....?

Night time driving

It has always been apparent to me how driving techniques change as the daylight reduces. The other night I had to drive at night to London Standsted airport to pick up my wife from a flight from Malaysia. It is a journey of around 150 miles and normally it can take around 2hours 30 minutes and has no major complications. I tried to sleep a little in advance of the journey but was not able to do so and so consequently I set off feeling unusually tired, generally the tiredness wears off as I drive however as the temperature was moderate and there was little breeze in the air the lethargy didn't wear off so by the time I reached the outskirts of Cambridge around 4am I was beginning to look like a characted out of Victor Hugo's novel -- The hunchback of Notre Dame, namely Quasimodo. If anyone had seen me, I'm sure I would have been a dead ringer for Lon Chaney's version of this character in the 1923 version of this famous story, piercing eyes and bad makeup would have suited my appearance at that time but surprisingly as daybreak began to take effect my metamorphosis was virtually instantaneous. The lethargy that had beset me disappeared and I suddenly became a more stimulated and rationale figure looking less like the aforesaid Chaney so viewers it shows that with the advent of light the body remarkably seems to ressurect itself back to its former self, and on this occasion, I, at least looked human when I met my wife from the airport, rather  than the miserable wretch that was Quasimodo in that famous novel by that well known French author Hugo. " Comme bien dans l'amour et le guerre " aptly said I think !!!